Where's the Weekend Recap?

After a couple weeks of negotiations, long hours and too many Dominos pizzas, the Weekend Staff has decided that simpler is better when it comes to our recaplets. So instead of clogging up the main page with flashy graphics and mindless filler, we're just going to give you the bare bone facts. And you no longer have to go searching for the information you want. Over the weekend and the first part of the week, the box office and stock information will be located at the top of the sidebar. It's cleaner, simpler and requires about an hour less amount of work for me to do. And that, my friends, it news worth noting. (Hey, I had to work that graphic into here somehow.)

The Covenant scares up the box office this weekend

Supernatural powers, a murderous cover-up, a powerful protector and a fresh batch of predictions. That's what you can expect in this weeks' edition of the Weekend Preview. Hi there, I'm Charles Jurries, the man responsible for the mess you are about to see. In the next few paragraphs we're going to take a look at the films opening up at the box office this weekend, with some snark thrown in to keep things interesting. Then I'm going to give you my predictions for how well the films will do this weekend. Then, as always, we leave the door open to you to make some predictions of your own. If we ever get some additional predictions, we'll include those in our signature Weekend Recap and together we'll find out who of us is better at guessing these kinds of things. Now, let's take a look at the films opening up at the box office this weekend.

The Covenant - A long time ago, five families with "untold power" formed a covenant of silence. One family, "lusting for more," was banished; their "bloodline disappearing without a trace - until now." (Scary) The Sons of Ipswich, four young students at the elite Spencer Academy who are bound by their ancient ancestry, use their powers for... studying? Whatever. When the body of a dead student is discovered after a party, somehow the covenant of silence is threatened to break that has protected these magical/demonic families for years. Probably because one of the Sons of Ipswich kills that student. It's kind of like a grown-up version of The Craft, only with guys! Starring Steven Strait, Sebastian Stan, Taylor Kitsch, Toby Hemingway and Laura Ramsey.

Hollywoodland - In 1959, Tinseltown was stunned by the dead by actor George Reeves, the man who played Superman on television. He was killed by a single gunshot wound, an apparent suicide. But his grieving mother will not let the questionable circumstances around his death go unaddressed. After the LAPD closed the case, mom hired a private detective to discover more about Reeves' death. It's a twisted investigation that includes a powerful studio executive, a torrid affair and cover-ups. The detective also discovers unexpected connections to his own life as the case becomes more personal. Starring Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Bob Hoskins and Ben Affleck.

The Protector - Meet Kham. (Hi, Kham.) Kham's life is all screwed up when an international mafia syndicate captures his two beloved elephants and smuggles them thousands of miles away to Sydney, Australia. (Yes, that's the plot of the movie. No joke.) But these aren't any ordinary elephants. No, they were to be presented as a token of devotion to his Majesty the King of Thailand. And so, to save the elephants, Khan must travel around and save his family's honor by using martial arts to defeat hundreds of bad guys. (How plausible!) Somehow, a Sergeant and a sex slave get involved to help defeat the evil Madame Rose gang. So they're using two animals as the basis of a martial arts film? I want to cry. This action film stars Tony Jaa, Petchthai Wongkamlao, Bongkot Kongmalia, Jing Xing and Johnny Nguyen.

Time now for our weekly predictions. Each week we place our bets on what films will land in what spot in the top five for the overall weekend. Then we estimate how much money that particular film will bring in over those three days. What films will do good? Who will lose? Let's find out right now in our Predictions:

1. Hollywoodland, $10-$15 million. I'm going out on a limb by predicting this film will take the stop spot. After all, it's a gritty noir film that's clearly formulated for an Oscar nod. Nevertheless, I think it has enough intrigue and appeal to take the top spot at the box office.

2. Invincible, $8-10 million. This film has been getting pretty good word-of-mouth, which always helps to keep a movie around the cinemas for a long time. Plus, it's more attractive looking than the newcomers we previewed today.

3. The Covenant, $8-$10 million. We compared this film (unfairly) to The Craft. That doesn't really matter much, except we spent about 15 minutes on the web trying to recall the name of the film. Hopefully, the covenant sons aren't as bratty as the Craft sisters.

4. Little Miss Sunshine, $7-8 million. Really, where else can this film go? It's not like Little Miss Sunshine faces stiff competition this weekend.

5. The Protector, $6-8 million. Martial arts are usually a big draw at the box office. Usually. And usually the "plot" of such films doesn't matter. But ELEPHANTS?!?! What is this, a Rush Hour film? Is Chris Tucker making a cameo? Elephants as a main plot point... please!


Do you think you have what it takes to make these kinds of predictions? Can you call the shots better than TDIN? If so, leave us your predictions in the comments (please leave a name) and we'll compare predictions over the weekend. And that's going to do it for the Preview this week. Thanks for stopping by and we hope you'll drop by this site regularly throughout the week for news stories that you may have missed below-the-fold. Until then, stay safe and remember: nobody likes their picture taken early in the morning.

It's Crank vs. The Wicker Man

It's a new week with new releases at the box office. Hi there, I'm Charles Jurries with this week's weekend preview. And we start off with a shocker: we've eliminated the financial recap from the Preview. It will still be found in the recap. We as a staff felt that it just did not feel right at home in the Preview, but we are looking at other ways to give you a recap on the stock markets. With that shocking revelation behind us, let's get to the upcoming releases.

Crank - The hero's name is Chev. (Strike 1) Chev, a hit man who freelances for a major syndicate, wakes up groggy, unable to move and with a slow heart. He hears the voice of thug Ricky Verona who tells Chev has been poisoned and only has an hour to live. The night before, Chev let his target slip away in an effort to quit his job and start a new life with his girlfriend, Eve. Now, Chev must keep adrenaline pumping through his body to stay alive, to prolong the poison from stopping his heart. This means that the movie is non-stop action! Wreaking havoc on Los Angeles! With Eve playing the role of damsel in distress! While searching for a antidote to the poison! Starring Jason "The Transporter" Statham, Amy Smart, Efren Ramirez and a guy called "Kay Xcala".

Crossover - (Have you heard of this movie? Because I haven't. And I thought I was cultured. Harumph!) Noah Cruise is a naturally talented basketball player who is determined to forsake his natural skills and become a doctor, but pay for it by getting a basketball scholarship at UCLA pre-med. But someone wants Noah to go to the NBA! Noah has a close friend who did time for an assault charge, but he wants to get his GED and win an underground street ball game against an arrogant rival, "Jewelz". But then the two get girlfriends! And their lives change forever! And everyone probably ends up well for everyone. Starring Tamer Werfali, Anthony Mackie, Wayne Brady and Little JJ.

The Wicker Man - If the two previous original films don't interest you, then maybe this remake will! Police officer Edward Malus receives a letter from his former fiancee, asking for his help: her daughter went missing. She asks him to come to her home on a private island - Summersisle - a place with it's own traditions where people "observe a forgotten way of life." It's a Amish paradise? The island is dominated by its matriarch Sister Summersisle. Bonded together by arcane pagan traditions, the people of Summersisle only ridicule the investigation, insisting that the child never existed. Edward Malus must now uncover a web of ancient traditions and murderous deciet. Sounds like fun! Starring Nicholas Cage, Ellen Burstyn and the lovely Leelee Sobieski.

It's that time of the week where we pool our office predictions and tell you what films we think will sink - or swim - this upcoming weekend at the box office. Will the action thriller Crank take top honors, or will the Wicker Man scare up some good bucks? Our predictions begin right now.

1. The Wicker Man, $15-$20 million. It's smart, it's scary looking, and it's got a built-in fanbase from the original film. It'll get the top honors easily.

2. Crank, $10-$15 million. Personally, I think this movie looks stupid. But I thought that about Beefest and that film still pulled in a lot of money.

3. Invincible, $10-15 million. It's a feel-good movie. Those stick around for a while on the top charts.

4. Talladega Nights, $8-$13 million. This is the film that just. won't. go. away. Ever.

5. Little Miss Sunshine, $8-$13 million. It's the little-independent-film-that-could. Kind of. It'll still be popular enough to get on the top five. Probably.

And that's all for the Weekend Preview. Pretty short, isn't it? And stupid? Yeah, I'll agree with you on both counts. But now you've read it and now you know what films are opening this weekend. Come back this weekend for the Recap, when we tell you how well the top ten films did at the box office. Plus, we compare our predictions with reality to find out if I write Fact or Fiction. Until then, stay safe and remember: friends don't let friends wear plaid polo shirts.

Will the box office be "Invincible" this weekend?

Welcome to the weekend preview, the mid-week compliment to the weekend Recap. Both Weekend features serve two basic purposes: to brief you quickly on the stock market so you have some clue on what's going on, and then to talk about movies. Which is funny, because the Weekend staff likes TV more. (Just ask Tonya. She watches so much television it's amazing her brain can still function!) We first begin with the stock market.

Existing home sales dropped to their lowest levels in over two years, lifting inventories to record levels. Investors are now panicking that this might mean the economy is slowing too much, and that there might be a recession. Chill out, dudes. Wait, like, another week or two before passing judgment, okay? Okay. At the sound of Wednesday's closing bell, the Dow Jones had 11,297.90 points, the NASDAQ had 2,134.66 while the S&P 500 ended trading at 1,292.99 points.

For our second act, we take a brief look at the movies coming out this upcoming weekend. This weekend, you have your choice between a buddy comedy about beer and sex, a musical set in the 1930's, a movie about worms and an inspirational rags-to-riches football movie. Yeah, that selection makes me want to stay home, too.

Beerfest - A R-rated buddy comedy brought to you by the guys who made Super Troopers, this film centers around a couple of American brothers who travel to Germany to spread their grandfather's ashes at Oktobertest. In an even more plausible turn of events, they stumble upon a uber-secret underground beer games competition known as Beerfest. They enter, and the brother's cousins beat them. Seriously. They return to America where they assemble a team of drunks to win at next year's Beerfest. This lewd comedy (Oh, come on, you've seen the commercials too!) stars the likes of Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Steve Lemme, Kevin Heffernan and Jay Chandrasekhar.

How to Eat Fried Worms - Based on a famous Thomas Rockwell book, this film revolves around 11-year-old Billy who unwittingly challenges the school bully on his first day at a new school. Ha! Our new hero must now earn the respect of his new classmates by eating 10 worms in one day. Ew. I'm sorry, but, ew. And I'm sure WebMD would warn against that activity, too. If it doesn't sound like a movie for you, well, it probably wasn't intended to be. This movie definitely skews towards the 10-13-year-old boy demographic. It's like Aquamarine for boys! Starring Luke Benward, Adam Hicks, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Austin Rogers and Kimberly Williams.

Idlewild - Hey! It's a film that I never heard of before! They must not advertise this film on the channels I watch. Or maybe they just don't care one bit. That could very well be. (Actually, I think they've ben marketing almost exclusively towards African-Americans.) The plot of this drama/musical/performing arts film focuses around Percival, a shy piano player and Rooster, a club's showy lead performer and manager who struggles to keep their dreams alive during the 1930's southern speakeasy. Starring 'Andre 3000' Benjamin, Antwan "Big Boi" Patton, Faizon Love, Paula Jai Parker and Paula Patton. Ving Rhames, Macy Gray and Patti LaBelle have smaller roles in the film as well.

Invincible - Based on a true story! (Does that tagline even open movies anymore?) Meet Vince Papale, a 30 year-old substitute teacher and part-time bartender. He never played college football, but he is an avid Philadelphia Eagles fan. When the Eagles coach announced that the team would host a unprecedented open tryout, Papale decided to give it a shot. Against all odds, he soon found himself playing on a professional football team. As the movie's PR description puts it, he was "moving from his cheap seats in the upper deck to standing on the field as a professional football player." Starring Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Kevin Conway and Elizabeth Banks.

Every week during the Preview, the staff comes together to place bets on what films will debut in what spot, and with how much money. Then a few days later, during the Recap, we take a look at our predictions versus reality to see how well they compare. Most weeks, they don't compare well at all. (Insert sad smiley face here.) However, this week could be different! So sit back as we give you our...
Predictions! Here's our predictions for the box office weekend spanning August 25 through 27, 2006:

1. Invincible, $25-$30 million. While the sports genre may be getting a little cliche, it's still a easy way for studios to turn a quick profit. This won't necessarily get the "movie regulars", but rather, the people who don't go to movies that often, ie parents, or, people who actually remember Vince Papale.

2. Beerfest, $25-$30 million. It'll be a close race towards first place, but I think that this film will probably settle in second place. While many teenagers and college students will enjoy the taste of the film, critics will be left wanting a more premium draft of screenwriting.

3. Talladega Nights, $15-20 million. Hey, if the same Will Ferrall jokes are still funny in each of his movies, it would stand to reason that repeat viewings would be just as funny!

4. How to Eat Fried Worms, $15-20 million. This film won't earn a lot of money, simply because moms don't want to take their kids to this film and dads want to see Invincible instead!

5. World Trade Center, $10-$15 million. Despite Nicholas Cage's miscast moustache, this film continues to be received well among movie-goers and has been getting great word-of-mouth. We think that it'll stick around for a while longer yet.

Total Box Office Earnings: $105-$110 million.

Will we be right in our predictions? Or will our predictions be passed off as fiction? And will creepy stalker Aldo finally stop pestering Mary Worth? (Whoops, wrong blog.) If you care about any of these answers, stay tuned this weekend for the Recap, which has far nicer graphics and clean, shiny scoreboards for the stock market and for the box office. Until then, stay safe and remember: friends don't let friends steal pencils.

The Weekend Preview, sort of

Better late than never, right? The Weekend team took Wednesday off in order to bring you the exact same product one day later! (Oh, and Tonya broke her toe, Josh's car broke down, and Daniel was at the beach.) Though we do have something special for you... a brand new look! Not only did our graphics guy give the recap a new look, he gave us a brand-new look for the Preview. Color-wise, the idea is that you won't be able to confuse the Preview with the Recap. (You know, when Charles doesn't update his site that often. And he calls us slackers.)

(We must apologize though for this week's edition, because Daniel is still camping at the beach, and he's the financial guy, so no stocks update this week. He'll be back for the Recap, though, so stay tuned then for a nice summary of the financial markets!)

Hey! There are snakes on a weekend! Snakes on a Friday! Snakes on a Saturday! Snakes on a Sunday! Snakes on a... you get the idea. Competing for dollars this weekend are a college-buddy movie and a movie starring Hilary and Haylie Duff. Still believe Hollywood is choosing quality scripts? Me either. Here's your quick look at the films opening this Friday:

Accepted - Bartelby Gaines isn't getting accepted into any college anywhere. And his friends aren't getting in either. So how goes Bartelby make his parents happy and get noticed by his dream girl Monica? He opens up his own fake university! They create the South Harmon Institute of Technology, and make everything a little too convincing, because suddenly there are hundreds of people showing up for school! HA! And really, since it's not actually a school, it becomes the biggest party school around. And that's the "plot" of the film! HA! Starring Justin "I'm a Mac" Long, Lewis Black and Jonah Hill.

Material Girls - Ava and Tanzie have it all. They're heiresses to a multi-million dollar hotel cosmetics company and approach life as one big party. But when the Hiltons Marchetta's become involved in a scandal, the girls are left penniless, homeless and helpless. (?) The easy way out is to sell the company, but that would "forever taint the name of their late father," who built the company from the ground up. And that would end the movie in about twenty minutes. So instead, this buddy comedy sees our heroes doing whatever it takes to grow up, take initiative, learn responsibility and TAKE BACK THE COMPANY. I bet they succeed, AND they throw a party. Losers. Starring the Duff sisters, Anjelica Huston, Brent Spiner and Lukas Haas.

Snakes on a Plane - So there's this FBI agent who is escorting a witness to a brutal mob murder on a plane, flying from Hawaii to Los Angeles. But the crime boss doesn't want the witness to testify (Really?) and smuggles hundreds of poisonous snakes onto a plan. And he's so smart that he figures out a way to get the snakes to come out midway through the flight! And thus we have snakes on a plane. And then banding together, surviving, defeating the snakes, blah blah blah. Nobody cares about the actual films, they just want to say that they saw Snakes on a Plane! Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna "Nurse Hathaway" Margulies, Nathan Philipps and Flex Alexander.

It's time for the prediction part of the program, where we lock in our bets as to what films will open in what number this weekend. To make it even more fun, we predict how much each film will make, all without looking at any industry predictions to base our numbers on.

Which films do we think will do really well this weekend? Find out below!

1. Snakes on a Plane, $40-45 million. The thriller will definitely slither it's way into first place, but anything more than $45 million is streaching it.
2. Talladega Nights, $20-$25 million. It's not that it's that great of a film that keeps the Ricky Bobby ballad in the top five... it's just that there aren't many alternatives.
3. Accepted, $20-$25 million. This film could make it to second place, but it's unlikely. It appeals to a similar crowd as Talladega does, but I don't think that the market will find this film to be that popular.
4. Step Up, $15-20 million. It's popular enough still, I think, to stay in the top five. I can't quite place my finger on why I think that, but it's a feeling that I have. Or maybe that's heartburn. I get intuition and acid reflux mixed up more times than I care to admit.
5. Material Girls, $15-20 million. The story that is very obviously based loosely on the Hilton sisters Paris and whatsherface will attract the teeny bobber crowd. But not too many of them, hopefully. The last thing we need is for Hollywood to think that movies vaguely based on the Hilton sisters is a great way to make money.

And that's going to do it for this week's late edition of the Weekend Preview. We hope you enjoyed it more than we did, because we didn't enjoy it AT ALL. (We're mostly lying about that, BTW.) Stay tuned for the Weekend Recap when we look at the week that was in the world of business. Plus, the box office scoreboard and we find out of the predictions that you just read are fact or fiction! Until then, stay safe and remember to always keep your lens cap on!

Vacation

The Weekend Preview staff never showed up to work on Wednesday. And unless they show up on Thursday at some point, I don't think there's going to be a preview this week. Sorry, guys!

The box office takes a "Step Up" this weekend

Curious about what's opening at the box office this weekend? Wondering how the stock market is doing? Welcome to the Weekend Preview, our exclusive online newsletter that gives you a quick synopsis on how the stock market is doing, plus a look at the movies opening this weekend.

The federal reserve decided not to raise interest rates, leaving the rate alone for the first time since June 2004. Since that date, the interest rate has risen from 1 percent to 5.25%. The Fed said that economic growth was slowing, but there is still some risk of inflation, meaning that the Fed may raise the rate when they meet again in September. However, if the rate goes too high, the economy might go into a recession. That's part of the normal economic cycle, granted, but investors aren't too psyched about that possibility.

At the sound of Wednesday's closing bell, the Dow Jones had 11,076.18 points. The NASDAQ had 2060.28, while the S&P 500 had 1,265.95.

THIS JUST IN: There are no computer-animated family-friendly movies based on animals being released this weekend! Take the time now to call your friends and tell them the joyous news.

Pulse - The premise of this elimination/horror film is that wireless technology has been able to connect to a world beyond our own. Such technology is used as a doorway into our own world, and that connection can't be shut down. So whenever you use technology, they'll take you into their world and take your life away. Starring "Veronica Mars" herself, Kristen Bell, former "Lost" castmember Ian Somerhalder, and some other people. Judging by the commercials and production stills, the studio folks were able to save money on filming by using the color blue almost exclusively.

Step Up - Meet Tyler, a rebel from the "wrong side of Baltimore's tracks," and a privledged ballet dancer named Nora. When Tyler is serving out his community service sentence at an ultra-elite Maryland dance school, Nora taps him to be her dancing partner. (?) He's the angry outsider who is a "gifted street dancer". Nora, the rich one, can do ballet beautifully. Working with Nora, now Tyler can fulfill his dreams of becoming a great dancer. Exciting! Though I must question the wardrobe stylist... Since when did baggy clothing become in again? Whatever... Starring Channing Tatum, Jenna Dewan, Rachel Griffiths and Mario. (No, not Mario Lopez. Or Nintendo's Mario. The other one.)

World Trade Center - This film is director Oliver Stone's theatrical take on the true story of Will Jimeno and John McLoughlin, two Port Authority police officers who rushed into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001 to help rescue people, but were trapped under the rubble after the towers collapsed. Starring Nicolas Cage, Michael Pena, Maggie Gyllenhall and Stephen Dorff. According to this reviewer, this film isn't exactly what you'd expect from Oliver Stone. It's appropriately dramatic, and in the end, very patriotic.

Zoom - It's a family-friendly Tim Allen film dealing with superheros. What, you still need a description? Okay... Tim Allen's character is a former superhero who is called back into work to "transform an unlikely group of ragtag kids into new heroes at a private academy." And like any good superhero film, there's a slightly acopalyptic plotline going on as well. Otherwise, it'd just be a buddy comedy! Starring the aforementioned Tim Allen, Courtney Cox Arquette, and Chevy Chase.

Are we well-informed predictors or just wannabe psychics? It's time to put our prediction skills to the test by predicting the top five films at the box office. Then, on the Weekend Update, we match these predictions with reality to find out just how right - or wrong - we are. Here are the results of this week's office pool:

1. Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby, $30-$35 million, AGAIN. Why? Because it's Well Ferrall, and when the man makes a funny face, teenagers come out in droves to see it. (Arguably, the face he makes when impersonating our current President, George W. Bush, is pretty funny.)
2. Step Up, $25-$30 million. For real. We think Step Up will be this successful.. It had broad appeal, these types of dance movies do pretty well, and it's more appealing as a date movie than World Trade Center.
3. World Trade Center, $20-$25 million. This film will attract more of an older crowd, the kind that doesn't go out to see movies to often, except for "these kinds of films."
4. Pirates 2, $20-$25 million. Let's face it: It's going to take a lot to knock Jack Sparrow off the top five.
5. Zoom, $15-$20 million. This is the perfect family film: it has bright, colorful images for children, and parents can reminisce about when Chevy Chase used to get really good movie roles. When Will Ferrall is dethroned as the king of box office comedy in a decade or two, we hope that he doesn't manage to make another paycheck by making Zoom 2.

This is the part where I advertise The Weekend Update, which goes live late this weekend. But I don't need to do that this week, do I? You all know that you can get another brief stock market update, plus a sneak peek at the box office totals, all right here. Right? Okay. Though there is one thing we want to tease: the box office scoreboard is getting a brand new look. We're working out the kinks right now, and it should hopefully be ready to go live this weekend. Until then, stay safe and play well!

Flee the box office! Four b-grade films premiering

It's another week, another day to write a Weekend Preview column. Oh joy unbounded! So here's the deal: we've got another week where four films are opening up at the box office. And they all look uninspired. (Did all the creative talent in Hollywood really make the jump to television?) Whatever. It's still hot and muggy at TDIN headquarters where the Weekend staff works. I mean, having the entire nation acting as a giant sauna is nice in theory, but the novelty wears thin after a few hours.

So we do stocks first? Is that it? So wait a second... We do the business angle, which nobody cares about, first? And we bury entertainment at the end? It's like a local newscast, making you wait a segment or two before you get the weather forecast (which is why most people watch anyways). Fine. We'll be snotty like that. For now. Some stocks were up, some where down. That's all you chose to get out of business stories anyways, isn't it? Oh, you actually want substance? Fine. Apparently, this week the market is nervously trading in anticipation of more information from the Fed. Happy? HAPPY? (No, I haven't taken my chill pill yet, thanks for asking!)

At the sound of the closing bell on Wednesday, here's what the three major US markets looked like:
Dow Jones: 11,199.93
NASDAQ: 2,078.81
S&P 500: 1,278.55
(Note: The Weekend Recap maintains exclusive rights to the fancy graphics for the stock market. So we can't use them during mid-week. There's something about contracts and "not being able to find a loophole" and all of that.)

Movies! Alright. (We're feeling less crabby now, thank you. We think the humidity dropped a bit. We estimate it's now at a cool 179%.) This week, we've got a bit of something for everyone. We've got another family-friendly animated movie, keeping up our one-a-week quota. We've got a suspense/horror/slasher film, a dark drama, and a Will Ferrell comedy. Basically, Hollywood is saying that you have no excuse not to go to the movies this weekend. Except... let's take a closer look at the movies, shall we?

Barnyard - Remember in Toy Story when the toys "came to life" whenever humans weren't looking? Same principle, except with barnyard animals instead of action figures. And the cows can even stand on two legs! And have incredible brain power! And watch television! And, and... be cows...? So the plot of the film is that Otis, the practical joker, is being pushed to grow up and be more responsible. The responsible cow is taken out of the picture and Otis must lead the barn! But he doesn't have leadership genes! HILARIOUS! And then the farmer finds out about the secret, coyotes plot to eat everyone... I bet you can guess the ending. For children who really enjoy fiction. Starring the voices of Kevin James, Courtney Cox Arquette, Danny Glover and the omnipresent Wanda Sykes.

The Descent - So the movie's official description introduces the main characters as "six girlfriends". Interpret that as you will. The description also points out that the movie is set "one year after a tragic accident," which isn't brought up again at all during the press release. Losers. So the leader of the pack has discovered the one unexplored cave in the Appalachians, which no hikers or nerds playing with Google Earth has ever found. And as such, nobody can rescue them from the creepy humanoid creatures living underneath the cave! This film is brought to you by some of the people who worked on the Saw movies and Hostel, so you know that when they die, it's going to be gruesome. And gory. Very, very gory. Starring Shauna MacDonald (who?), Natalie Mendoza (who?), Alex Reid (who?), Saskia Mulder (who?), and Nora-Jane Noone (who?).

The Night Listener - So there's this late-night radio show host called Gabriel Noone. He develops an "intense relationship" with a young listener named Pete and his adopted mother, just as his own domestic life is undergoing changes. The release tells us that "when a troubling question arises regarding the boy's identity, it causes Gabriel's ordered existence to spin wildly out of control as he sets out on a harrowing journey to find the truth." Ah, but I know the twist! The young listener is an acclaimed writer who is dying of AIDS! Stars include Robin Williams, Toni Collette Sandra Oh, and Rory Culkin. Joe Morton also stars in this film.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Rick Bobby - Ricky Bobby is a NASCAR sensation who "wins at all costs". He's a national hero. He has loyal friends and family who encourage him onwards. But then a flamboyant French Formula One driver, Jean Girard, who "challenges him for the supremacy of NASCAR." Being threatened, Ricky Bobby must face his own demons and fight for his place as racing's top driver. Basically, it's an excuse to do a "Will Ferrell comedy", which, like an Adam Sandler film, you know exactly what you're getting when you go into the theater. And it's gift-wrapped with NASCAR, so people will flock to it! You studio executive geniuses you... Starring Will Ferrell, Sascha Baron Cohen, John C. Reilly, Michael Clarke Duncan and Amy Adams. (We checked... No Wanda Sykes in this film as far as we can tell.)

Predictions! We're gonna have to make a graphic for this part of the column someday... We think that the most logical choice for the no.1 slot at the box office this weekend is Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. It's got the broadest appeal of any of the films, plus, Will Ferrell can bring in the dough. But in this current economy, he won't bring in alot. I think the film will get between $30 to $35 million. Nothing shabby, but nothing exceptional either.

The Descent will come in at second place with $20-25 million. Pirates 2 will come in a close third with $20-25 million. Miami Vice and John Tucker Must Die will come in fourth and fifth respectively, with $15-$20 million each. And the total box office income for the weekend? $108-112 million.

Folks, that's it for this week. Hopefully, the heat index will be below 100 by the time we meet again this weekend! Until then, stay safe, dry and hydrated!

The "Ant Bully" has a "Vice" against "John Tucker"

Welcome back to The Weekend Preview, a weekly reminder that the weekend is coming. Hang in there, the work weeks is almost done! (To the work week's credit, it did feel like it just started.) In all honestly, this feature is nothing more than one big advertisement for The Weekend Update, yet we feel strangely compelled to treat it like it is it's own entity nonetheless. The same rules for the Update applies to the Preview: Stocks first, movies second.

So far this week, the stock market has been doing fairly well, surprisingly enough. It's almost like optimism is starting to seep back in or something. No, it's probably that something. The stocks were up on Monday and Tuesday and closed just below flat on Wednesday. On Wednesday, the Fed's Beige Book showed that 6 of the Fed's 12 districts were pointing to evidence that the pace of growth has slowed, meaning that the tightening of monetary funds have worked, and furthering speculation that the Fed will not raise the interest rate on it's next meeting on August 8th.

At the end of Wednesday's session, the Dow closed at 11,102.51 points. The NASDAQ closed at 2,070.46 points, while the S&P 500 ended the session at 1,268.40 points.

There. You're smarter. You can talk to your friends about monetary funds and how the economy has stalled, August 18th, yadayada. Want to talk about movies now? Same here. Here's what's opening this weekend:

The Ant Bully - Okay, so here's the plot: Boy hates ants. Ants shrink boy. Boy likes ants now. (Surprise.) And according to the official movie description, the ants "sentence him to live like an ant in their colony." Sentence? What is this, Law & Order: Ant Edition? *sigh* Then an exterminator appears and the boy has to help save the colony from death. And he learns lessons of courage and friendship in the process. Starring the voices of Julia Roberts, Paul Giamatti, Cheri Oteri, Nicholas Cage, Meryl Streep... You get the idea. Rated "PG for some mild rude humor and action".

John Tucker Must Die - So there's this jerk called John Tucker. And then there are a bunch of clueless blondes. These girls, all from different high school cliques, discover that they've all been dating the school stud, John Tucker. They don't break up with him and call him "LOSER!", like most people would. They want revenge. They then find a new girl in town and use her as a puppet to destroy John Tucker's reputation and to break his heart. Starring Ashanti, Britany Snow, Sophia Bush and Jesse Metcalfe as some of the oldest actors to play teenagers to-date.

Miami Vice - Based on the old TV show. There's this guy called Ricardo Tubbs who is "urbane and dead smart", and a guy called "Sonny Crockett" who is charismatic and flirtatious. And they work together. Hi-larrious! Okay, so the "plot" of the movie has to do with Crokett being undercover with some drug suppliers when he gets "romantically entangled" with the wife of an arms and drugs trafficker. Yadayada, cops are pushed to the edge, and ACTION! The film stars Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell, so I guess we don't need more of a description, that what we have should be good enough... ? Whatever. This film doesn't even use the theme music from the old series. Losers.

So here's what we think will go down this weekend:

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $35-40 million. Sure, it's a month old now. But would you rather see Colin Farrell as a gritty cop, or Johnny Depp as Capitan Jack Sparrow? Really? You'd rather see Miami Vice? Huh. Interesting.

2. Miami Vice - $25-30 million. Let's face it: this weekend won't be a stellar one at the box office. No new release screams "BLOCKBUSTER!" anymore. This film is marketed as very dark, gritty, and, uh, starring Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell. Is Farrell even the "It guy" anymore? Anyways, we don't think that it'll what it takes to be number one.

3. John Tucker Must Die - $25-30 million. Please, just release the film. I'm sick of the advertisements! Anyways, I think the pre-teen's will help propel this movie into third place. Because who doesn't want to see a bunch of grown women try to demoralize a cheater? That's right, teeny-boppers! And feminist. And lesbians. Fine, maybe it'll be number two for those last reasons. But we think it'll be no. 3. Call it a hunch.

4. Monster House - $20-25 million. It's different from The Ant Bully, in so much that it doesn't revolve around animals. Parents will find that refreshing. Very refreshing. Plus, it looks like a better film, in my humble opinion.
5. The Ant Bully - $20-25 million. These are the kids who can "bully" their parents into seeing yet another computer-animated animal film. Poor, poor parents.

Total Box Office Intake: $125-133 million.

Will I be right? Never! Will I be close on the mark about something? Maybe! When can you find out? This weekend! Where? Right here! Will we stop shouting questions? Sure! Stay tuned to this newsblog this weekend for The Weekend Update, our weekly recap of the economy and the box office!

The Weekend Preview: Four News Releases

Weekend, weekend, weekend. It seems like all TDIN ever posts anymore is stuff relating to this Weekend feature, doesn't it? We'll have to talk to the editorial staff and see how much longer they're planning on being on summer vacation. Because? This is so not cool.

Until that day when the writers return, we'll just give you a brief update on how it's going on the stock market. Uh, so, the stock market. It's... okay. Could be better, could be worse. It's still going sideways, in case you were expecting the entire economy to move up or down in just one day. On an economic front, the Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke, indicated that they may be taking a break from raising interest rates for the first time in about a gazillion months. Satisfied that the stock markets were back in a buying mood based on his remarks, Bernanke left his ivory perch, took a few close associates, and descended upon the closest subway, to "help support the local economy."

At the close of Wednesday's bell, the Dow Jones closed at 11,011.47 points. The Nasdaq ended trading at 2,080.71 points, with the S&P 500 closing the day at 1,259.81.

Just like the Recap itself, you only read this for the movie preview. You know it. I know it. I like the financial aspect. But you don't. You just want to know if Uma Thurman will be more popular than Johnny Depp. (The answer: No) You want to know what the plot is of Clerks II. (The answer: Plot?) So, to spare you this unbearable suspence, we now bring you a short description of movies that may or may not be half-lifted from Yahoo! Movies. Maybe. We must warn you, there are four movies opening in a wide release this weekend. And that does not make our entertainment staff happy; many a golf games were cancelled today to bring you this feature. So we hope you enjoy it. Alot.

Clerks II - Years ago, a movie came out called Clerks. And years later, they made a sequel, called Clerks II. Dante Hicks and Randal Graves are still the same, unlovable people that they've alwasy been. But now, instead of being mini-mall clerks, they now work at a fast-food joint! Hillarious! They frequently make fun of customers in a "we said this so our movie could be rated R"-kind of way. Eh. This lowbrow comedy, starring Kevin Smith, Jeff Anderson, and Rosario Dawson, opens on Friday.

Monster House - This weekend, audiences across America will be treated to another kid-friendly computer-animated feature film. Except, this film does not focus on animals! The plot for the film is actually quite creative: Three children realize that a neighbor's house is actually a monster. And, being young, they devise a way to beat the monster. The one complication being that the grown-ups don't believe them that the house is a monster! Heh. This film features the voices of Jason Lee, Maggie "I'm Jake's sister" Gyllenhaal, Kevin James and Steve Buscemi.

Lady in the Water - Following up on The Village, which was decried for, well, everything, M. Night Shamalyan hopes to create another cult suspense classic with Lady in the Water. Paul Giamatti stars as a apartment building manager who rescues a mysterious young woman from the water, only to discover that she is actually a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make her way back into her own world. But she's not the only character in the bedtime story, as the apartment tenants soon find out. Starring Bryce Dallas Howard's eyes and legs.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend - So there's this guy who has a girlfriend. The girlfriend is needy, clingy, and just won't plain give him any room. He dumps her. Bad idea. Said girlfriend is a superhero, G-Girl. Scorned, G-Girl starts to unlease all of her powers on the boyfriend, to achieve laughter from the audience, and hopefully cult status once the film hits DVD shelves. (Don't hold your breathe) Starring Uma "Kill Bill!" Thurman, Luke "I'm the quiet brother!" Wilson, and Wanda Sykes. (Wanda also has a cameo in Clerks II as a customer.)

There. With the window loooong gone for a golf game, we're happy to present to you the Weekend Preview. We took an office pool, and here's what the staff at TDIN thinks will happen this weekend:

1. Clerks II, $40-45 million. Kevin Smith has a strong cult following, and those fans will help make sure that this film is no. 1 at the box office this weekend. Plus, those fans have already seen Dead Man's Chest. Twice.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, $35-40 million. It will be a close race between these two films, and this film will still haul in a notable amount, but don't expect another stellar weekend. In addition to it being the film's third week, the general buzz around the movie seems to be "huh," rather than "hee!". It'll easily be in second place.

3. Monster House, $25-30 million. Again, families have already seen the new Pirates movie. So why not see this movie?

4. My Super Ex-Girlfriend, $20-25 million. It's campy, and probably won't get the greatest buzz. But it's a good date movie. And never understimate the income that a good date movie can draw.

5. Little Man, $16-20 million. Why? Because there is no justice in the universe. None. Period.

M. Night Shamalyan will be decried as a failure, as his new film opens up in 7th place. And yet, it's not due to it being a bad film; most will agree that it's a step away from The Village and more towards Unbreakable. It's just that the box office is just plain too crowded this weekend. Blame the distributor, whom Shamalyan probably ticked off at some point. The total box office intake for this weekend will be somewhere between $120 to $130 million.

And now you have your predictions for the weekend. And now, if you'll excuse us, we have reschedule our golf meet.

The Weekend Preview: Boring stocks, boring movies

Just crawl under a rock for a couple months until the Oscar-contending movies come out at the cinemas. Because until then, don't expect much in terms of high quality and high art in your movies. This weekend's crop serves as a prime example.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Welcome to The Weekend Preview, our weekly feature where we pretend to actually care about two important things in our lives: business, and entertainment. You already have a slight idea of what to expect this weekend, but what's happening in that big, cold scary world of business? We'll let you know in the next paragraph.

Hi there! Did you miss me? That was a long jump down the page. That was what, 12 pixels? We've certianly come a very long way. We'll reward you with news on corn and wheat! (If you click away right now, we'll understand.) According to the U.S. Agricultural Department, season-average prices are $3.70 to $4.30 for a bushel of wheat and $2.25 to $2.65 for corn. Those are the highest prices for corn and wheat since 1996. Meat production is expected to drop this year and next year, mostly because of slower growth in chicken meat production. Beef exports have picked up and are expected to remain strong.

At the sound of Wednesday's closing bell, the Dow Jones had 11,013.24 points, the Nasdaq had 2,090.24, while the S&P 500 ended the session with 1,258.60.

Now, considering Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest took in about $135 million in it's opening weekend, we here at TDIN don't really expect it to be easily dethroned this weekend. But there will still be some blue flashy bars on our At the Box Office scoreboard, indicating a new release. (Note to self: Saying "blue flashy bars," then describing them, doesn't actually save me time at all.) Here's what's opening this weekend:

Little Man - This film, let me tell you, wins no points from me. The premise is that there's this mastermind thief who's only about 2 feet tall (?), and has to pose as a baby while hiding from the law. And this poor family thinks that it's their newly adopted son (?), who the agency apparently just leaves on their doorstep, waiting for someone to notice. (?) No surprise, it's from a few of the Wayans brothers. And it also has Tracy Morgan, from SNL. Color me enthused! (I shouldn't allow myself to give commentary during entertainment pieces, should I?) This film opens everywhere on Friday.

You, Me and Dupree - So there's this couple, Carl and Molly, who just gets married. It's great, it's everything Hollywood says it should be. Except, there's this guy called Dupree. Dupree is Carl's oldest friend who suddenly - and comically! - becomes without a job and homeless. So he "temporarily crashes on the couch," but Dupree never leaves. But everybody likes it! Except Carl, who's jealous because he's hitting on his wife! Hillarious! The wife is played by Kate "I was in Almost Famous" Hudson. Dupree is played by Owen "I'm the funny one!" Wilson. And the husband is played by Matt Dillon. Matt, you get tremendous reckognition as being a serious leading man in Crash, and this is your grand follow-up? I'm very, very dissapointed. If you're looking for calculated, formulatic laughs, You, Me and Dupree opens up on Friday.

Trailers and commercials avaliable online on YouTube for these films were either idiotic, or had a few non-G-rated moments. So we decided to just rerun the Dead Man's Chest trailer again for one more weekend up in the Weekend Movie Preview showcase. After all, that's what people will be going to see anyways!

We predicts that Dead Man's Chest will pull in a respectable $55-60 million in it's second week. You, Me and Dupree will debut in second place with about $20-$25 million. Superman Returns stays in third with about $18-20 million. The Devil Wears Prada stays in fourth, while Little Man debuts in fifth place. Each film will take in about $15-18 million for the weekend.

Will I be right? Or will you prove me wrong? Comment now with your predictions, and then check back this weekend to find out the actual totals.

And that does it for this smarmy, pithy edition of The Weekend Preview. We hope you enjoyed it. After all, someone has to! Stay tuned for continued updates, and, of course, The Weekend Recap.

A Super 5-Day Holiday

Welcome back to the Weekend Preview, where we take a look at what's coming out at the movie theaters this upcoming weekend. We also give you a brief look at the stock market, to prep you for an even briefer look at the markets this weekend.

I'll be brief: Stocks are uneasy because of recent fed maneuvers, and the recent saber rattling made by North Korea. Job numbers for June are slated to come out on Friday, and I have no clue what to expect in the report, because, I am not psychic. (It's disappointing, I know.) Here's how the stock markets looked at the end of trading on Wednesday:

Dow Jones: 11151.82
Nasdaq: 2153.34
S&P 500: 1290.91

Sure, he's no Spider-Man. But the Man of Steel can still bring in a audience. Over the 5-day holiday, Superman brought in an astonishing $76 million. For his actual 7-day opening weekend, Superman grossed an estimated $108 million in ticket sales. Not too shabby for a alien from outer-space! But still, considering an estimated $600 million was spent on making and marketing the movie, it's still a bit of a disappointment for the studio. And really, for Superman, people were expecting it to take in a lot more dough at the box office. The real surprise this weekend is how well the "alternative to Superman," The Devil Wears Prada, performed at the box office. Over the 5-day weekend, it pulled in $40 million.

So, was there much of a difference between the 5-day box office and the 3-day weekend? Astonishingly enough, we're going to say "no." (We're liars, BTW.) Monday and Tuesday combined brought in an additional $68 million. Which just about matches how much Nacho Libre has made since it came out a few weeks ago. (We wouldn't lie about something like that. Or would we?) Here's your special mid-week "At the Box Office" report:

(Source: BoxOfficeMojo)

Opening this weekend: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - Okay, first off, I have to admit: I have trouble remembering how "caribbean" is spelled. It's not like I don't try to remember. It's just one of those words. Anyways, Disney is hoping to strike gold once again as the pirate captain Jack Sparrow reunites with Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann to, uh... fight evil! (There is an actual plot, thankfully. But that's what the video is for, on the upper right-hand corner of the sidebar.) The film stars Johnny Depp as a eccentric anti-hero, Orlando Bloom as a quiet man, and Kiera Knightley as a strong, independent woman. (Thank goodness for typecasting!) Patel and Ragetti, the comic-relief duo from the first film seems to be returning for this newest installment. Pirates opens in theaters everywhere on Friday.

And that's the Weekend Preview for this week. Stay tuned this weekend to find out how the epic battle of Jack Sparrow vs. Kal-El ends!