The Weekend Preview: Boring stocks, boring movies

Just crawl under a rock for a couple months until the Oscar-contending movies come out at the cinemas. Because until then, don't expect much in terms of high quality and high art in your movies. This weekend's crop serves as a prime example.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Welcome to The Weekend Preview, our weekly feature where we pretend to actually care about two important things in our lives: business, and entertainment. You already have a slight idea of what to expect this weekend, but what's happening in that big, cold scary world of business? We'll let you know in the next paragraph.

Hi there! Did you miss me? That was a long jump down the page. That was what, 12 pixels? We've certianly come a very long way. We'll reward you with news on corn and wheat! (If you click away right now, we'll understand.) According to the U.S. Agricultural Department, season-average prices are $3.70 to $4.30 for a bushel of wheat and $2.25 to $2.65 for corn. Those are the highest prices for corn and wheat since 1996. Meat production is expected to drop this year and next year, mostly because of slower growth in chicken meat production. Beef exports have picked up and are expected to remain strong.

At the sound of Wednesday's closing bell, the Dow Jones had 11,013.24 points, the Nasdaq had 2,090.24, while the S&P 500 ended the session with 1,258.60.

Now, considering Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest took in about $135 million in it's opening weekend, we here at TDIN don't really expect it to be easily dethroned this weekend. But there will still be some blue flashy bars on our At the Box Office scoreboard, indicating a new release. (Note to self: Saying "blue flashy bars," then describing them, doesn't actually save me time at all.) Here's what's opening this weekend:

Little Man - This film, let me tell you, wins no points from me. The premise is that there's this mastermind thief who's only about 2 feet tall (?), and has to pose as a baby while hiding from the law. And this poor family thinks that it's their newly adopted son (?), who the agency apparently just leaves on their doorstep, waiting for someone to notice. (?) No surprise, it's from a few of the Wayans brothers. And it also has Tracy Morgan, from SNL. Color me enthused! (I shouldn't allow myself to give commentary during entertainment pieces, should I?) This film opens everywhere on Friday.

You, Me and Dupree - So there's this couple, Carl and Molly, who just gets married. It's great, it's everything Hollywood says it should be. Except, there's this guy called Dupree. Dupree is Carl's oldest friend who suddenly - and comically! - becomes without a job and homeless. So he "temporarily crashes on the couch," but Dupree never leaves. But everybody likes it! Except Carl, who's jealous because he's hitting on his wife! Hillarious! The wife is played by Kate "I was in Almost Famous" Hudson. Dupree is played by Owen "I'm the funny one!" Wilson. And the husband is played by Matt Dillon. Matt, you get tremendous reckognition as being a serious leading man in Crash, and this is your grand follow-up? I'm very, very dissapointed. If you're looking for calculated, formulatic laughs, You, Me and Dupree opens up on Friday.

Trailers and commercials avaliable online on YouTube for these films were either idiotic, or had a few non-G-rated moments. So we decided to just rerun the Dead Man's Chest trailer again for one more weekend up in the Weekend Movie Preview showcase. After all, that's what people will be going to see anyways!

We predicts that Dead Man's Chest will pull in a respectable $55-60 million in it's second week. You, Me and Dupree will debut in second place with about $20-$25 million. Superman Returns stays in third with about $18-20 million. The Devil Wears Prada stays in fourth, while Little Man debuts in fifth place. Each film will take in about $15-18 million for the weekend.

Will I be right? Or will you prove me wrong? Comment now with your predictions, and then check back this weekend to find out the actual totals.

And that does it for this smarmy, pithy edition of The Weekend Preview. We hope you enjoyed it. After all, someone has to! Stay tuned for continued updates, and, of course, The Weekend Recap.