Welcome to the first mailbag, Ask the Director(of the Delta News, Entertainment, and Photography Institute)! The inagural mailbag even has some letters from some well-known celebrities and newsmakers. Without further ado, here it is!


Testing to see how this works…
- Anonymous

Director: Hey, me too! I guess it’s still just text, except that I have to re-type what a bunch of other people wrote, in addition to what I have to say. So it actually is work. Interesting!


You realize that by allowing for an open mailbag, you’re only subjecting yourself to all sorts of random weirdness, don’t you?
- some@body.com

Director: Is your name, Some, pronounced Sow-May, or Som-Ey? I knew a Some once, and she pronounced it Sow-May. And got really ticked off when others said Som-Ey. Then there was the time she was drunk and got angry… I don’t hang around with her anymore. (If this is the same Some, I hope you took some anger management, girl!)


Hey, I know it’s after 12:00 and all but can I still ask a question?
- Anonymous

Director: Nope. I’m all done with questions, for the rest of my life, actually. Pesky people wanting to know the answer to all of life’s answers. I can’t handle the pressure any more!


What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
- Anonymous

Director: See what I mean? *sigh* The answer is 42. Don’t make me compute that again!


What’s your opinion of fiat money, anyway? I used to think it was an awful idea, but then I changed my mind. Now I’m not so sure.
- alangreenspan@federalreserve.gov

Director: Funny, I thought the chairman of the Federal Reserve would know how to spell “Flat”.


Drove my Chevy to the Levy’s but the Levy’s were dry. HAR! - Eugene Levy
- elevy@dozensequal.biz

Director: *in sing-song voice* Ha ha, you made a funny! You made a funny!


Would anybody like a peanut? - Fezzik
- fezzik@gentlegiant.com

Director: No thanks, I just ate.


echuckler
I was really hopping u culd putt a leter frum mee in yur malbag to lett pepple now abot my nuw movee I think its caled “war of the world’s” althoe im not sure also lett them now that me and catie holmez r getting mareed also that syentalogy iz real kewl and that they should all join
ok thanks - tom cruise
- tom cruise@aoltimerwarner.com

Deerectah: Gud luk on u mareeg. MayB catie holmez can write leeters fro u, so u don’t have to. Izn’t syentalogy relly kool? it’s like magic. Sprinkle syentalogy dust on me! I be wanted to crazy go 2!



I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?

Comin’ down on a sunny day?
- ccr@classicrock.com

Director: NO! Thank you very much for bringing that up again… Two years of therapy, and it all goes down the drain by an insensitive e-mailer.


But Uncle Owen! I was going to Tosche station to pick up some new power converters!
- LukeSkywalker@tatooine.net

Director: You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done. Now come on, get to it!


eChuckler,
Why all the hate against me? So I hit one or two guys in the past. Doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, it just means that I have a compulsion to beat the living crap out of people every so often. I really don’t think we’re that different, you and I. He both have our compulsions, the only difference is that yours don’t land people in the hospital.
Oh, and if I ever meet you you’d better watch out.
Sincerely, Russell Crowe
- russelcrowe@australia.net

Director: Were you on any kind of medication when you assaulted that poor hotel clerk? ‘Cause scientology says that such meds are bad. Tom Cruise hasn’t taken any in a long time, and look at him now! Perfectly “normal”. Also, not to nit-pick or anything, Russell, but it’s “We both”, not “He both”. Minor details. And if you ever beat me up, I’m sure the money I’ll make from doing a Dateline interview will be more than enough to cover my hospital bills!


Did I have to make any questions up for this mailbag?
- Anonymous

Director: No, thankfully, I did not! I got a fair amount of questions, which was great. Especially considering there hasn’t been a mailbag before!


Well, folks, that’s it for the Ask the Director for this week. If you ever have a question that you want the Director to answer, feel free to send them in! Whether I actually answer, or just give snide, pithy remarks, remains to be seen.